When I was Intermediate bought a new cellphone.I felt very happy because I love mobile phone very much and that is first presentation to me.Then next day I went to college and I showed my mobile phone to all my friends.then I gave party to my friends and I enjoyed a lot that day.My mobile phone have many futures like audio , video, Internet and very interesting games.I was spent lot of time with my mobile like chatting with friends and playing games .
One day I went to my sister's village because they will celebrate festival.That day evening our results will come but my mobile phone switched off, I was very sad because I forgot my charger .Then I called my brother . He arrived
One day I went to my sister's village because they will celebrate festival.That day evening our results will come but my mobile phone switched off, I was very sad because I forgot my charger .Then I called my brother . He arrived
Nice post, however I have a few comments to make.
ReplyDeleteI'd say:
When I was AN Intermediate STUDENT I bought
I love mobile phoneS
and that WAS MY first presentation to me. (AFTER THIS SENTENCE, MAKE A FULL STOP)
I showed my mobile phone to all my friends AND I gave party to my friends. I enjoyed that day A LOT.
My mobile phone HAS many fEAtures
I spent lot of time with my mobile
CAREFULL WITH THIS!!! NO "WAS SPENT"
because they WERE celebratING A festival
That day IN THE evening our results SHOULD SHOW but my mobile phone switched off,
YOU DO NOT FINISH YOUR LAST SENTENCE. MAYBE SOMETHING LIKE THIS?
He arrived... WITH THE CHARGER? AND WE COULD SOLVE THE PROBLEM.
OR... YOU CAN FINISH IN A DIFFERENT WAY.
PLEASE EDIT YOUR BLOG!